Our school has a spring break later than most of the other school districts. It’s nice though. The earlier the break the colder the weather and then the longer the stretch is before summer. This spring break is going to be nice. When we get back there’s only two more weeks in April, then all of May, and like two more weeks in June. And you can’t count this week or the last week of school. Or the week we get back from spring break. Or the week with Memorial Day. Basically the year is almost over.
I haven’t told my students or my school that I’m pregnant. I don’t know if it’s bad luck or something. I guess it’s smarter to wait until the chances of a miscarriage are low.
But why does it have to be so secretive? Like baby’s names, too. Or the sex? I feel like mothers keep the names a secret because they don’t want anyone stealing it. I’ve been thinking about names, but usually only when a I hear a name I like.
I’ll never name my baby after any student. Ever.
Oh well, today was not bad for a Monday. I feel like the lesson plans my team have been making have been more shitty than usual. I feel like the math excel lesson wasn’t even close to what we were doing last week. But what do I know? I’m only a first year teacher.
I’m feeling good today! Johnny and I made progress this weekend nailing down more wedding plans. Considering we’re having a June wedding and it’s already April we’re lucky that we were able to lock everything down.
I’m supposed to go dress shopping next weekend. I made some appointments. They have maternity dresses that I can wear no matter what size I am.
A family friend is going to be our photographer. He’s only done one or two other weddings, but the pictures turned out really good.
We decided to just use our laptop and the hotel’s sound equipment instead of booking a DJ.
I ordered flowers from the local florist and the hotel gave us a discount to go through their bakery partner for the cake.
I can’t believe how much of the wedding came together! We printed out the invitations ourselves and and got them all stuffed and labeled. It was a lot of work! Also stamps are really fucking expensive. We asked people to RSVP by text or email. That might get annoying considering we’re having so many people and having 3 dinner choices.
We had to make some last minute additions and subtractions. Basically out of town relatives that we really only see at weddings. It sucks. I’d say I don’t give a shit about 80% of the people coming to my wedding. And the arguments are the same for each person: “We have to invite her. She’s my great-aunt’s best friend’s neighbor’s dog sitter! She’d be pissed! I don’t want to start any drama!”
Also friends are tough. I feel like I haven’t kept in touch with my friends from high school. And I lost track of my college friends. But I also don’t want a bunch of old aunts and uncles, either. I want people to dance and have fun!
Of course I’ll be in my 2nd trimester and probably incapable of dancing. Maybe we made a big mistake having a big wedding while I’m pregnant. We should’ve just gone to the courthouse and then had a big reception next year after the baby’s born. Oh well. Wedding on!
So in Betty’s class, there’s a student with some “emotional issues.” This student’s home life is totally fucked. From what I’ve heard she lives with her great aunt because her dad’s in jail and her mom’s dead. She also has two older siblings, but I guess her older brother molested her and she had to be taken away.
Anyway, this student had a very bad day today which culminated in her grabbing a pair of scissors and threatening her teacher. From how Betty told it, she grabbed the teacher scissors from her desk, opened them up, and pointed them at Betty and anybody else not to go near her. Then she screamed that she’s “done with this school” and threw them down and ran out of the class to the office crying.
You’d think, “wow, she had a potentially violent episode, she better be evaluated by a professional psychologist before she’s put back in a room with people she could potentially harm,” right? Wrong! She was back in class that afternoon.
According to what the office told Betty, this student acted out a lot more last year and this outbreak was unusual. Nothing to worry about. They’re going to look really stupid if this student ends up hurting herself or anyone else.
Johnny’s coming over tonight. We haven’t really talked about our last fight where he said our baby is going to ruin his life. That should be fun.
There are some students I can’t stand, but I don’t hate. There is one girl in my class, she rarely gets any work done. But, she has a severe attention disorder. You can watch her trying to focus. She’ll start to work and get distracted by her pencil and start to pick at the eraser. Then she’ll pick something off and study it. Then she’ll shake her head and tell herself to focus. Then she’ll start to write, and start staring at something else, or notice a hair in her face and stop working to look at it. It’s sad. I feel sorry for her because she really does want to finish her work.
Then there is a student like Tyrese, whom I hate. I hate him because he’s capable of doing work. He doesn’t have a disorder like the other girl. Unless being a total asshole is considered a disorder. Tyrese is malicious in his procrastination and a cancer on my classroom.
I’ll give you a good example. Today I saw him taking mail out of my students’ boxes and putting them back in different boxes. It was during one if his times where he wonders around and I try to ignore him. There’s no reason for him to fuck with my mailboxes, other than to create chaos.
Another thing he loves to do is to steal people’s shit and then pretend to find out and act like a hero.
He also enjoys “borrowing” people’s stuff and then claiming that they gave it to him.
He’s stupid, too. He probably could do the work if he applied himself, but he’s gotten so good at getting out of work that it’s probably easier for him to avoid work than to do the actual work. Also, he’s been in trouble so many times that there really are not any consequences for his actions. Calling his mother isn’t a threat anymore, it’s a daily activity.
The worst part is Tyrese will move on to third grade next year. Even though he failed all his assessments. He should be in Kindergarten. That’s about where is reading level is.
But kids don’t fail teachers anymore; teachers fail kids.
I’m a lame duck. I wasn’t the only one who was RIF’d, but I’m sure I’m the only one who knows she won’t be hired back in the fall. It’s not a good system considering there’s still a solid two months of school left. They basically said, “We don’t give a shit about the last quarter of school. You’ve already done enough.”
The school is contractually obligated to keep me employed until the end of the school year. Wouldn’t it make more sense to wait until the last week of school to tell me I don’t have a position next year.
Pretty much the only motivation I have might be to get a good letter of recommendation from my principal. But I still don’t trust her about it. Why would a principal recommend a teacher they don’t want themselves?
I think I was supposed to have one more observation, but I did so poorly on the other observations that it wouldn’t have mattered anyway. In fact, my principal has done a good job avoiding me since telling me I wasn’t welcome back.
It’s really awkward. Can you imagine firing somebody and then allowing them to work for another 12 weeks?
I understand the point of being able to get rid of bad teachers. There are a lot of stupid people graduating from college. Really we should blame college. If it wasn’t a “for profit” system, maybe they wouldn’t graduate so many retards.
I’m not a genius, but at least I passed the general skills test on my second try. I know one girl in my program who took that test like, 5 times. She shouldn’t be a teacher.
Personally I think I’m fighting for my self-esteem. If I can end the year on a high note I might consider continuing with this stupid career. But if my students continue to act like monsters, I’ll just work part-time somewhere and raise my baby. Maybe I’ll become a nanny.
I’m sure it’s either a government requirement or it’s in my teaching contract, but I’m sure I’m entitled to at least one 30 minute break per day.
The sad fact is that I never get to eat lunch by myself. I’m either in a meeting, or keeping kids in from recess. You’re probably wondering, “what about when my kids are at specials?” Those times are planning times for my team. Do
we make good use of that time? Not really, no.
But! There is hope for me in the fall. Mrs. Jeffers has been
applying for principal and assistant principal positions and she said that if she gets hired she’ll bring me along. I no it’s a long shot, but I’m grateful just to have that hope. I myself haven’t even been looking for jobs much. I probably would, but like I said, I don’t have a break during the day.
And going all day long without a break is exhausting. I thought I was tired before getting pregnant, but not it’s just brutal. I’m tired and nauseous all day.
I’ve been taking it out on my students, too. That only makes things worse. Because if I was nice to them, they probably wouldn’t act out and I wouldn’t have to keep them in at recess which in turn makes me cranky where I take it out on my kids and continue to keep them in at recess.
I should’ve taken today off. I still have days to use up. It’s not like I can save them for next year since I’m being laid off.
Also it’s Monday! It’s bad enough going to work on a Monday, let alone on your birthday. It’s not like they had a party for me or anything. I didn’t even get a card from my coworkers.
And my students were assholes. Well, actually, just Tyrese. I think since I told them it was my birthday he thought that he could get away with more today. He was wrong. I didn’t have any patience for his shit.
Johnny took me out for deep dish pizza, but I just didn’t have the appetite to eat it. He bought me a really ugly necklace, too.
Ug. What an awful birthday. I’m 24, pregnant, and getting married. My life is over. I’m going to get fat. I’ve decided I’m not going to breastfeed. I don’t want my boobs to get ruined. They’re getting bigger! That’s pretty cool, I guess.
But still! I’m 24 and I’m going to be unemployed and pregnant. I thought pregnant women were supposed to be glowing and happy?
Oh, now that we told our parents I’m pregnant, all of our relatives know too. So I’ve received a ridiculous number of congratulatory messages on Facebook about my birthday and my pregnancy.
At least next year I’ll be too sleep deprived to probably even remember my birthday.