“Why I’ll Never Be Able to Relax” Thursday April 13, 2017

OverwhelmBeing a teacher is stressful enough. Add being engaged and pregnant and that’s more stress than a normal person can handle. Fortunately, I’m not a normal person.

The pregnancy stuff still doesn’t seem real. I haven’t felt my baby kick or anything. All I’ve been is nauseous, horny, and constipated. A lethal combination. Johnny doesn’t want anything to do with me. I think he’s been going out with his friends and not even telling me.

Which leaves me to continue to plan our wedding, our baby, and stay on top of the school work that I promised myself I would do over break. Except now it’s Thursday and Spring Break is almost over. I got very little accomplished. And that’s not because I wasn’t trying – it’s because there’s just SO much to do.

I don’t think I can do it. I don’t think I can have a baby. I don’t think I can get married. I don’t think I’ll be a good wife. I don’t think I’ll be a good mother. I know I’m not a good teacher. Basically I’m not good at anything, so what the hell am I doing?

Everybody else in the world seems to have their shit together. I’m not the first one from my high school to get pregnant. A couple of girls got pregnant right after high school and have families and look happy. I know one girl who is a massage therapist and married to an EMT. They have this huge house and a cute kid and seem to have it all. They like their life.

I’m not sure if I like my life right now.

 

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