I was looking over my posts this week and it sort of sounds like I’m a bad teacher. I hate my students, I hate my job, many of my students are failing. Maybe I’m one of those bad teachers. That’s probably why I don’t have a job next year. But also, I’m a first-year teacher. And there’s no way that I’m working this hard and still sucking this much.
But I guess if that is the case than maybe I’m better off not teaching. There was a whole regime change in education to make it easier to get rid of bad teachers. I guess that’s why they’re getting rid of me. But again, what did they expect? I get hired a week before school starts, with no orientation, no training, and no experience? Did she seriously expect me to be exemplary? I think she expect Mrs. Holloway to come back and for me to become a resource teacher or something.
I should consider myself lucky, career-wise. I earned a year of experience without having to be a substitute or an aide. That’s lucky because if I do apply to schools for next year they can’t make that excuse, “we’d hire you only if you had experience.”
I hope that it’s just this school and my principal’s dislike of me is personal. Technically, I still have my summative review and hopefully she’ll at least let me use her as a reference. That’s really the best shot I have at getting a job next year. My principal is really to blame for my poor performance. She never tried to mentor or train me, or even let me know what she doesn’t like from me. She basically wrote me off from the first week I got here. A good principal would have nurtured and helped a first-year teacher like me.
My mentor’s been no help at all, too, other than agreeing that my principal is a major bitch. She’s just as confused about my reviews. I dunno.
But this weekend Zooey is having people over at our place. Not the same people that were at that party, but other people. People I kind of like. I hope we have fun. I need to let of some steam.