If I’m “most likely not going to be hired back next year” then why should I even try anymore? Wouldn’t it be easier to just sit back and show movies and play games until June?
I met with my principal to discuss my last observation and she basically told me that based on what she’s seen I most likely cannot be hired back next year. She wasn’t even nice about it either. She could’ve said, “Well, if you turn things around and your remaining observations go better you still have a chance.” Nope. I get it. I’m not a good teacher. But you know what? It’s my first fucking year! Most people struggle their first year of teaching.
Principal Belstead said that she most likely would not hire me back, but she said she’ll help me find a job somewhere else! Isn’t the fucked up?! She said I wouldn’t be teaching at Beecher, but she said she’ll still give me a reference. What the fuck is up with that?! Not only is it still fucking December, but she’s already written me off for next year and then said she’ll help me find a job somewhere else?! Wouldn’t it be better if she just said, “I don’t like you. It’s personal”? At least that way, I would still have a little self-esteem remaining for my abilities as a teacher.
And not only that, I walked into a shitty situation. I was hired at the last minute. I didn’t receive any training or even a basic orientation. I had to figure everything out as I went. Then the teacher I was “subbing” for decided to take all of her materials and left me with scraps to work with. I did pretty fucking amazing job with what I had.
I’m actually glad that she did all this before break. And I think maybe she did it on purpose. I’m thinking maybe she’s hoping I’ll quit over break. I am thinking about quitting. I fucking hate my job. I hate my school. I hate my students. I hate my boss. I hate it. I should just go back to waitressing. It’s not like I’m going to get any support from my principal at this point. I think she wants me to quit. I have a contract for one year, regardless if Mrs. Halloway came back or not.
Which, now that I think about it, Mrs. Halloway was forced out of her position by Principal Bitch-stead, too! She couldn’t stand working here either.
I’m not doing shit tomorrow or Friday. Thursday’s going to be review worksheets, and Friday’s our winter party. They don’t deserve a party, but I do. So, we’re going to play games and watch movies and read stories and I’m not going to give a fuck anymore about my lesson plans or fucking MAP testing. My fucking bitch of a principal can fucking fire me if she fucking wants to. I don’t give a fuck anymore.