I miss having a boyfriend. I don’t like being single. I’m lonely. And my friend just isn’t a solid replacement. Zooey’s great to go out and have fun with, and even great to talk to, but it’s not the same as having somebody be there for you.
I can’t ask Zooey to help me grade papers. Or help me make worksheets. Or even help me work through my issues at school. She’s there to be my friend, but it’s not the same.
If I had a boyfriend I would have a partner to lesson plan with. I would have somebody that would offer to help me enter grades into my grade book. I would have somebody that I could talk to every day about all the shit that’s happening to me. If anything, this blog has become my boyfriend.
Actually, now that I reread what I want, what I really need is an assistant. Or a secretary. I’m probably pissing off a bunch of guys who think women are controlling or something. I just need a partner in life. I mean, it would be really nice to just lie back on the couch while my boyfriend rubs my feet and I can tell him about all the shitty kids I have to deal with. And maybe he would show up at my classroom after school and we could work together to clean up my room and make copies. That’d be great. If there are any guys reading this and that sounds really nice to you, please contact me and be my boyfriend. In return for your services, I’ll have sex with you whenever I’m in the mood.