“Being Single Sucks” Saturday November 26, 2016

0060-0806-2517-3721_Fat_Bride_with_a_Skinny_Groom_clipart_imageFirst of all, I don’t get it. Do you ever look at a couple and think, “how does that work?” Because watching Zander and Claire last night made me think that a lot. Claire’s a really nice girl, but I just don’t get how Zander is attracted to her, you know? I mean, I sound totally vain, or whatever, but she has rolls. That’s not attractive.

Also, I’m jealous of her! I don’t consider myself a supermodel or anything, but if nice guys like Zander are falling for girls that look like that, what chance do I have?

And Zooey brought Patrick, and my other girl cousin my age brought her boyfriend. Suddenly, I’m the only single girl in the family.

And everyone’s talking about how happy they are that Claire’s going to be apart of the family, and they’re going on about love and marriage and I just drowned my sorrows in alcohol like a tired cliche.

And then it got worse because then people noticed that I was drunk and jealous and tried to cheer me up.

“Hang in there! You’ll find somebody!”

“If it can happen for me, it’ll definitely happen for you”

“There’s plenty of fish in the sea!”

“Have you considered prostitution?—you’ll make a lot of money”

The night wasn’t as fun as I thought it’d be. I had trouble being nice for them because I honestly don’t see it lasting. I will tell you this though—either Zander is going to get fat or Claire’s going to get skinny. Zander’s an active guy. He likes sports and jogging and stuff. Actually, now that I think about it, maybe that’s Zander’s plan all along. He found a girl with a great personality and now he’s going to get her into shape. Of course! That’s gotta be his plan. She has a symmetrical face, not a bad move.

Anyway, still no word from my dad. It figures, I’m not surprised.



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