I just realized this morning that I probably should’ve had my students do something for Veterans Day. Oh well, next year I guess.
I’ve been ignoring Johnny’s texts all week. He still wants to know if my drunken mistake meant something to me. Clearly it meant something to him since his Facebook status is now “it’s complicated.”
He keeps apologizing and writing these really long messages about how we’re supposed to be soul mates or something and he keeps regretting not trying harder in our relationship.
I’m not going to lie, it makes me feel powerful to know that he still wants to be with me.
But it also makes me feel weak because there’s a part of me that kind of wants him back.
This was the most serious relationship that either one of us have ever been in. I keep telling myself that I’m happier not being in a relationship with him, but I don’t feel happy. In fact, I miss him.
We were texting most of the night and a little this morning. We basically worked it out to the point where we’d like to be friends and still be a part of each other’s lives, but we both agreed that we’d get jealous if we had to see the other person dating.
He asked if I wanted a “friends with benefits” and I didn’t exactly say no. I think what I want is a part-time boyfriend. I don’t want to deal with any of the emotional stuff. I just want a guy I can call when I’m feeling lonely and he’ll keep me entertained and I won’t have to put in any effort. We won’t have to go out or be seen or attend family functions or any of that bullshit.
I think that’s where we’re at right now. Some sort of broken up/friends with benefits status. Come to think of it, he’s Facebook status is right.
He asked what I was doing tonight and I told him that I was going to get my lesson planning out of the way. He asked if he could swing by later and I told him if that’s what he wants.
I told Zooey about all this and she said that she didn’t think either one of us was mature enough to pull it off. I guess we’ll see.