“I Don’t Want to Go to Work Tomorrow :-(” Sunday October 16, 2016

I have my first of three formal observations on Tuesday. I’m not looking forward to it. I spent all day preparing for this one literacy lesson.

I have other news—Johnny texted me last night. For the record, I unfriended and blocked him on Facebook. He just texted “How are you?”

Which I thought was unusual. It wasn’t a “How’s it going?” or “How are you doing?” or “How have you been?”

Just: “How are you?”

That’s such a loaded question. Because I think I am lonely. I feel like if Johnny and I were still together he would be the one that I could talk to about how I feel about teaching right now.

But we’re not together. And I even though I have been thinking about Johnny it was really more in a: “I wonder if he’s dating anyone” and more specifically “I wonder if he misses me.”

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I wasn’t sure if I should text him back. I was out with Zooey at a bar. I think it was around 11:30(?). I’m not sure. We were just chatting and hanging out with her friends from work. There was a male co-worker of hers that she brought along specifically to fix me up with. But he smelled. Yeah, no. I was really cold to him. He stunk like a sweaty sock. It was gross.

So, at midnight Zooey wanted to go to a dance club. I told her I was going to go home. I was really tired, and I wasn’t in the mood for dancing. She seemed pleasantly drunk, so I didn’t tell her about Johnny’s text. She’d probably tell me to block and then delete his number. That’s probably good advice, too.

She made sure I took a cab home because she didn’t like the idea of me taking the El. That was expensive, but I made it home quickly.

I texted him back around 1am. I said:

“I’m good! I’m teaching second grade. It’s hard but rewarding work. I’ve been super busy. I basically spend all my free time lesson planning or grading.”

He replied back almost instantly.

“I’m glad ur good. I’m happy u found a full time job. My work is good 2. I just wanted to let you know that I forgive you. I don’t like how things ended between us. I’m dealing with my jealousy issues. LOL

I had forgotten that I had done anything wrong. And Johnny never had any jealousy issues that I ever noticed. So I say:

“I’m not happy about the way things ended either. I think I was the jealous one. I think I was jealous of your friends. And I feel terrible about what I did. Thank you for your forgiveness. You’re a really nice guy. We should look back at what we had with happy memories.”

I think I started crying at that point. Then he says:

“I miss u. I think about u all the time.”

So I say:

“I miss you, too. U can txt me whenever u want.”

We texted a little bit more about why we broke up and I feel a lot better about the two of us. We’re going to stay friends. He texted me some more today. Sent me a picture of what the apartment has become. it’s gross! HA!

I’m sure it’s unhealthy, but i do miss him. He was a good listener, even if he wasn’t a great boyfriend. I hope we can make this “friends after dating thing” work.

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